Hi Lily, can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
I’m Lily and I’m 13 years old. I live with my dad and my younger brother. My mum is in the Navy and she’s away at the moment. I like drawing and listening to music, and I spend a lot of time in my room because it’s quieter. I have autism and anxiety and sometimes my emotions feel really big and hard to control.
How does it feel when your mum is away?
It feels strange and heavy. I miss her a lot, but I don’t always talk about it because I don’t want to make things harder for everyone else. When she’s away, I feel more emotional and get upset more easily, even over small things. Sometimes I feel angry and I don’t know why, and then I feel bad for feeling like that.
What has being 13 been like for you?
Everything feels more intense. My body is changing and my emotions change really fast. Some days I feel fine and other days everything feels too much. When my mum is away, it feels like I don’t have my safe person around. I try to cope, but it’s tiring pretending I’m okay when I’m not.
How does school feel during this time?
School can be really hard. Teachers expect you to just get on with things, but sometimes my brain doesn’t work like that. If I’m overwhelmed, I find it hard to concentrate or explain what’s wrong. I worry that people think I’m being dramatic or lazy, when actually I’m just struggling.
What helps when things feel overwhelming?
Having time out helps, and knowing there’s an adult I can talk to without getting in trouble. Writing things down or listening to music helps me calm down. It also helps when teachers understand that my mum being away affects how I feel, even if it doesn’t look like it on the outside.
What do you wish adults understood about Navy children with SEND?
I wish adults understood that we’re dealing with a lot at once. Puberty, school pressure, SEND, and missing a parent can all pile up. Just because we don’t talk about it all the time doesn’t mean we’re coping.
If you could say one thing to other girls your age in Navy families, what would it be?
You’re not being silly or overreacting. Missing your mum is hard, and it’s okay to say that. You don’t have to be strong all the time.
If you could say one thing to other girls your age in Navy families, what would it be?
You’re not being silly or overreacting. Missing your mum is hard, and it’s okay to say that. You don’t have to be strong all the time.
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